Helen Hasting speaks on her experience in salt water swimming which she says clears her mind of worldly matters and touches on the existential.
It’s when the water creeps up my body making its way up to my belly-button that my breath will start to leave my body. Oxygen shudders in my lungs, rattling through my system until the tips of my fingers shake with anticipation writes Helen Hastings.
I will count myself down from three rib-shattering thumps of my heart and then I will surrender my entire self immersing into the freezing Irish Sea.
In those first few seconds all I can think of is how cold it is. Strands of seaweed brush at my body while an overactive imagination will tell me that any minute now, some predator of unknown origin will take me in its jaws and I will be gone forever.
I ask myself again and again whether today will be the day that the world renowned Irish current of immeasurable strength will whip me up in its arms and carry me away. In short, any of my problems that have followed me to the beach, stay on land, they cannot follow me into the depth of an ocean. They are no match for a suddenly clear and terrified mind!
I’m sure I’m making this all sound very unpleasant and scary, this wild swimming lark, but bear with me. There will be that moment of rational clarity, when I tell myself that great white sharks have not in fact made their way to county Down (not yet anyway) and that I’m not swimming far enough out for the currents to lay claim to me.
My body will slowly warm and acclimatise to the cold salt water bath and before I know it, I am momentarily in bliss of such extremes that I wonder just how long I can dare to stay in the water. I am suddenly the mermaid of my childhood fantasies and the war I have with my body image is floated away on the tide.
I have often documented my ongoing issues with disconnection and how sometimes even my own reflection in the mirror means nothing to me. Sometimes I am at a loss as to who I really am, I sometimes wonder just how many variations of me there are and just how many different impressions I leave in the hearts of others.
When I wade into the water, something happens to me. I feel like I am meeting with an ancient and formidable source, something that speaks to me, energises me, luring my feet to take step after step until I am fully immersed. I often describe my wild swims as a home coming.
I am a spiritual being and have always been open minded about our celestial roots, whatever or whoever we may perceive our Gods to be. There has always been (in my experience anyway) an eternally female energy to the sea.
Emotionally and spiritually I feel like I am being scooped up in the palm of someone’s hand, a shivering human form suddenly miniscule in the eyes of my maker. There is a whispering voice as waves crash over me, reminding me with every stroke of my arms that there is always something bigger and stronger than any of the gut-wrenching hurts and broken hearts there are in my history.
Sometimes I will deliberately swim out until my feet can no longer touch the bottom (I am a strong and confident swimmer, not recommended to everyone). I elongate my body, stretching out the very tips of my toes and feel as if I am being nursed in a womb-like manifestation of belonging. I really feel comfortable and as though I have come home.
Now, I’m not suggesting that everyone reading this should reach for their togs and make way for the beach. There are those who can’t even bear putting their hands under a cold tap, and there are others who have an abject terror of going into water.
I am not judging you or thinking less of you, not even for the smallest of seconds. I am, however, encouraging you to look for something that puts you back in touch with yourself, that makes you feel worthy of this beautiful life.
And, of course, you should always familiarise yourself with all the safety rules and check the sea conditions. Better safe than sorry!
If you are reading this right now and feeling lost and disconnected, I wish to remind you that the love you should have for yourself is deeper than any ocean and I want to invite you to swim even if just metaphorically in the wild love that can be found in this life.
Whether you believe in a spiritual life or not, it’s never too late to start believing in yourself and seeing the magic in every crashing wave. Here, take my hand, the first bits cold, but you’re going to love it!
“You are not lost, you are here and I am so glad”
