A look at our inner beings and where we are in life – or not – by Down News blogger Helen Hastings
So once more in the razor quick blink of an eye we find ourselves nearing Christmas, seriously guys how did that happen?
I swear about five minutes ago I was hosting the usual post-Christmas optical illusion show of getting a stadium sized amount of decorations shoved behind the sofa in my spare room writes Helen Hastings
I refer to winter as the marmite season, some love it some hate it and there is rarely an in between. I personally love winter, or ‘cosy season’ as is the much beloved term of Instagram influencers everywhere.
I love the sheer unforgiving nature of it, the way it makes us face the dark side of nature and forces us to prepare for the short nights and the cold air. I love the magic of sunlight on frost, of the cold air that fills your lungs, even sitting in my car waiting for the ice to thaw somehow instils a sense of wonder.
The other day I was driving along a quiet country road surrounded by freezing fog, the trees almost moving like figures in the mist and crows lifting in a gothic majesty into the air. I felt like I could have been moving through time as if in that magical moment I could have reached into our past and been transported back to simpler times.
But the moment the nights draw in something else happens, doesn’t it? Whether you’ve ever given voice to this or not there is one thing that always haunts certain people at this time of year. I refer to this as ‘the going within’.
The darkness is encroaching, the end of the year is progressing with lightning speed and suddenly the great wheel of the year rears up in our minds eye. A clock without hands but yet the tick tock is deafening. As we see the physical darkness around us, we automatically confront the metaphysical darkness within us.
The great going within suddenly presents us with every single thing that has or hasn’t happened this year. Our hearts and minds showcase all the goals that weren’t met, all the dreams that didn’t materialise and every single thing that may have gone wrong for us in the last twelve months.
I use the term ‘showcase’ because that’s very often what happens… our shortcomings play out in our minds like some kind of Rogers and Hammerstein production but without the pretty snow capped mountains and Juile Andrews. Instead, our lives hit centre stage like a windswept apocalyptic landscape where nothing has quite gone to plan.
And so we go within… (Can you say this in a deep dark threatening voice please, it adds nuance) and what we find is horrifying.
First of all there’s our bodies that still look the same as last year, they don’t resemble a twenty year old supermodel or a toned, tanned surfer dude, our careers aren’t splashing us with abundance the way we dreamed, the resolutions we made last year no matter how simple have been lost in our lack of discipline, oh and the love of our lives failed to walk into our midst in a blinding flash of cinematic brilliance. Our individual landscapes suddenly look bleak and desperate.
Right in this very moment I’m looking at my hands as I type and my fingernails are as badly bitten now as they were in January. Well, if I can’t break a habit as simple as biting my nails what hope do I have eh?
In fact, what was the point of attempting anything this year, I may as well disappear into the great going within and focus on my future as an eccentric old bag who bites her nails up to her elbows, never finds love again and finally dies with her collection of cats who eat her for Christmas!
Ah the great going within, it doesn’t half spit you out!
But why do we do this? Because as human beings the emphasis has always been massively stamped on time and certain points in the calendar year.
We judge and validate everything according to time from our careers to our relationships. Everything that defines us must be ruled and judged by some kind of invisible time gremlin who taps his fit-bit and points aggressively at his cockapoo calendar.
Another key enemy to be found in the great going within, is the ‘S’ word. Significance! Yes, everything must be significant.
Everything we do year to year must be some kind of mind-boggling feat or we aren’t happy. We take for granted every single small positive task we managed to carry out and we allow it to be eclipsed by all the things we didn’t do. In doing this we practically throw a hand grenade into our mental and emotional health.
Back in June of this year I tried an experiment. I took note every day of every single tiny positive task I undertook. Every single thing from making my bed to getting to a destination safely, I put into the category of big wins.
I spent time every day carrying out a gratitude list, marking all the usual ‘insignificant’ things that we normally take for granted. In the space of a very short time, I could feel both heart and mind being rewired. My mornings didn’t feel as heavy and my work week not quite as overwhelming.
I started to congratulate myself on a daily basis for every tiny thing I managed to do and there were days were carrying out a bit of housework or meeting a deadline for a submission made me feel nothing short of ecstatic!
You see, that overused phrase ‘It’s the little things’ really is a point of power for everyone. The little things form a chain which can lead to moments of gratitude and serendipity. We start to alter and create a new reality for ourselves in which life becomes a little magical simply because we looked at things a bit more, well, simply.
This year brought its share of heartache to my door in the form of illness and loss and not to mention the everyday pressures of work and finances but I got here in one piece.
As of every year, we arrive at this time a little worn out, a little ragged round the edges and truly shocked at how time has flown but we are here none the less and it’s a privilege denied to many.
The new year will be here soon enough and no doubt we will all be setting out our various goals and resolutions but please just go easy on yourselves, in fact why don’t you make that the new resolution! This year I will be good to myself/easy on myself/kind to myself. You never know this could be the starting point for your best and most magical year yet.
If you are reading this and you genuinely have had the worst year of your life, the most disastrous, most grief filled, most horrible year that you can ever remember, I want to thank you at the very least for taking time to read this blog and I want to congratulate you personally for coming through it.
I think you are magnificent, and even if the only positive thing you carried out this year was putting the right bin out on the right day I salute you!
No really, you are carrying out a task that is completely beyond my capacity! On New Year’s Eve, I hope you raise a glass of something sparkly (or a cup of tea) and even in the tiniest way feel the hope of possibility in the coming year.
